Happiness is a Warm Bun...Covered in BBQ Pork

I've never been accused of eating extravagantly. Sure I love a lovely meal now and then, but I tend to eat simply. For instance, I love Italian sausage, Italian beef, Polish sausage, hot dogs, nachos, deep dish pizza, thin crust pizza, pizza puffs, chicken wings, chicken fingers, General Tso's Chicken, hot links, hamburgers, cheeseburgers, bratwursts, french fries, onion rings, White Castles, burritos, burritos, burritos, and of course anything BBQ. Nope, nobody has ever accused me of being sophisticated, but let me get into more detail about my eating habits as of late.
There is a chain of grocery stores here in southern California (So Cal to the locals) that goes by the name of Ralph's and if you've seen "The Big Lebowski" you'll know why I shop there. Ralph's, like many other grocers, has special deals for those that hold some special card and I was quick to sign up for one (they recommend keeping it in your wallet, but I keep mine close to my thrifty-sale-loving-heart). And it was this card and those deals that took me to new lows. Ralph's had a sale (for card members only please) on Lloyd's BBQ products (which are little tubs of precooked wonder meat slathered in the blood of BBQ fairies). The sale read as follows:
"Buy 1 Get 1 Free"
So I freaked and bought 2 (might I also mention that it was really hard to contain my joy as I put those tubs in my basket). I bought a lot of buns. I bought a lot of cheese. I bought a lot of butter (unrelated to the Lloyd's). I proceeded to the checkout and I was on my (very) merry way.
The 2 tubs I bought, lasted only 3 days. 3 DAYS! So, on the 4th day I returned and bought 2 more and I ate. Oh man did I eat! I was in a constant state of pain do to over BBQ eating. I was eating so much BBQ that I started eating it in my sleep. I had to clean my sheets daily. Every morning I'd wake up to a BBQ murder scene. There was sauce everywhere! Once, while I was at work, I developed a sudden headache and I realized I hadn't had my BBQ fix for the day. It quickly turned into the shakes, cold sweats, and desperate phone calls. I started calling random slaughter houses asking for Lloyd and threatening the safety of their families if they didn't put him on the phone.
It was at this point I realized I'd gone too far. I'd lost it. My life was one big BBQ mess. Today was a new day, however. I think I reached a milestone. I did my grocery shopping, reluctantly cruised by the processed food aisle and saw my weakness...at full price. No thank you Mr. Lloyd. You've caused me enough pain. I am strong. I do not need your sauce. Your sauce is NOT my boss. I think I'll take my business elsewhere. So I went on about my business and bought a case extra caffeinated Coke...and the headaches went away.

Till next time.

P.S. Another favorite quote I've heard since I've been here: "AW MAN! I FORGOT TO MEDITATE!" - The Woman in the Park Whose Meditation Clearly isn't Working